Spring Break
| |
| |
|
Maneuvering through the maze of the campus is difficult, whether she takes her scooter or her wheelchair or uses her prosthetic leg. But Sisneros is thankful every day for the life that she now lives. These struggles are nothing compared to what she went through before.
"I couldn't be happier, really," Sisneros said. "I'm alive and I'm not going to go hungry."
Sisneros lost her leg 14 years ago in a failed suicide attempt. She was 27 at the time and homeless on the streets of San Jose.
For Sisneros, life was just too painful to live. Her father died when her mother was pregnant with her. Six months after Sisneros was born, her uneducated and unemployed mother felt she could not take care of her four children and put them in an orphanage.
At age 6, Sisneros was placed in a foster home where she suffered emotional and physical abuse.
By age 8, Sisneros was back with her family, but the damage had already been done. By the time Sisneros was a teenager, she was periodically living on the streets and abusing drugs and alcohol.
Sisneros dropped out of high school and received her GED at age 17. She then enlisted in the Army but was discharged for use of drugs and alcohol.
"I had a sense that I deserved to be hit and abused and punished," Sisneros said. She would drink and do drugs and put herself in dangerous situations.
"I wanted someone to kill me so I wouldn't have to feel anything. I was too chicken to do it myself," she said.
After years of struggle, Sisneros decided to end her life. On the evening of July 21, 1989, Sisneros overdosed on heroin and Valium before lying down on the train tracks near the intersection of Basset and North First Street in San Jose. Expecting not to wake up, Sisneros passed out.
Sisneros was hit by a westbound Southern Pacific train at 7:30 p.m., according to a 1989 article in the San Jose Mercury News.
Sisneros remembers waking up trapped under the weight of a train crushing her leg.
"I just needed some sign of someone caring," Sisneros said.
Emergency personnel were working to free her, and an unknown paramedic gave her the courage to keep fighting to live.
"He said, 'What's your name?'" Sisneros said. "I said, 'Who cares.' But he got it out of me, and he said, 'C'mon Ranay, you have a lot to live for.' He was so persistent to give me the will to live. He had to be a messenger from God. I wish I could thank him. I don't remember what he looks like. I just remember his voice, his sense of urgency, his sense of persistence that wouldn't give up on me."
After 30 minutes, Sisneros was freed from under the train and transported to San Jose Medical Center where her right leg was amputated below the knee. Sisneros was released from the hospital a few days later. Still homeless, she was now disabled as well.
Five years later, Sisneros was at the point of wanting to commit suicide again when she prayed to God for help.
"I asked for the desire to care about myself," Sisneros said.
Her prayers were answered immediately, she said. She went to a Christian organization, Victory Outreach, which put her in one of their Victory Outreach Christian Recovery Homes for 13 months to help her detox and teach her life skills and religion.
"I've seen so many miracles in this church," Sisneros said about Victory Outreach. Since going through the program, Sisneros got housing and regular medical care and is now going to college to get a degree in art.
She said Victory Outreach made her face her problems.
"I went to NA (Narcotics Anonymous), CA (Cocaine Anonymous), AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), psychiatric wards. Nothing helped until God," Sisneros said.
Her relationship with her family also improved.
"I changed a lot," Sisneros said. "I was really angry, hurt, bitter and resentful. I learned how to grow up."
Sisneros and her mother, Soraida Sisneros, are now regularly involved in each other's lives.
Soraida has fibromyalgia, a disability where the fibers in her muscles get inflamed and she can't move much because of pain in her muscles.
"When you're disabled, you feel like you're useless," Soraida said. "We help each other."
She and her daughter talk every day, and Sisneros does errands for her mother.
This Thanksgiving was particularly special for the family, because last year Soraida was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and was given a 20 percent chance of surviving.
"Now I want to show (my mom) how much I love her," Sisneros said. " I don't ever want to regret not telling her that."
As far as dealing with the past, Sisneros said, "Every time a painful memory comes, I forgive her right away."
Sisneros has four brothers, two of whom were diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenics. The eldest brother, Ray Sisneros, passed away at age 41.
John Sisneros, the second brother now lives homeless on the streets of Fresno. John is one year older than Sisneros and was her closest sibling before he became ill. She remembers how they used to play games together as children and how he used to make her laugh.
"He says he doesn't want help. He's a drug addict," Sisneros said. "He knows where to go for help. All I can do is pray for him because I know how hard it is."
Every time Sisneros passes a homeless person, she is reminded of where she used to be.
"My heart goes out to them," she said. "It's especially bad for women."
Sometimes, she will give them money and tell them the story of how she got help. "Sometimes, they get watery-eyed because they're tired of getting beat up and bruised," she said.
"What you say has the power to give life or death. You don't know where (people) are at. They could be suicidal," Sisneros said.
Sisneros vividly recalls a single smile that made her day. It was about a year after she lost her leg, and she was dirty, homeless and on drugs.
"People would insult me. I saw the ugliest hearts ... But that lady was one of the nicest hearts," Sisneros said. "The spirit of God was with her. I was down and out and numb, and she walked by and she just smiled such a nice sincere smile, not judgmental, just an acknowledgement that you're human."
Now Sisneros lives a different life. In the past nine years, she has been involved in prison ministries, children's ministries and other evangelism.
Sisneros is currently on the board of directors for the Silicon Valley Independent Living Center, which helps disabled people live independently.
Her biggest activity right now is the same thing as other SJSU students -- preparing for finals. She is working long hours to finish her art projects before the end of the semester.
Emily Duncan, a senior majoring in art, has two classes with Sisneros.
"Who can not like Ranay?" Duncan asked. "She's got a good sense of humor, and she's not critical of people, which is important in art classes which are very competitive."
Duncan, who has known Sisneros for one semester, described her as an "upbeat, hard-working, strong woman."
Sisneros said sometimes people see her disability and feel uncomfortable.
"I just talk to them and smile and joke and try to make them feel at ease," she said. "You've got to laugh sometimes," Sisneros said. "No matter what you go through, it could always be worse."
Launch video player
Cheap Promotional Tote Bags
Get a Free credit report search in CA.
Buy Cigars
