Spring Break
Holiday consumerism: American as apple pie
Yes, I Have a Point
Angelo Lanham
Issue date: 12/8/08 Section: Opinion
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Nothing, that's what.
Now, try to think of a Norman Rockwellian holiday scene involving apple pie.
What do you get? I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that you're imagining a nice painted scene of a family sitting around a table, with perhaps a grandmotherly figure hovering over said apple pie with a slicing device, about to divide and distribute the pie.
Most likely, this scene is offered from a through-the-window perspective, so the viewer can see all the warm colors within the window contrasting nicely with the cold, snowy ones outside.
But where do these Americans get these pies? Why, they make them, of course.
Er, except for the billions of families who lined up and crammed the Marie Callender's parking lot on Thanksgiving Day.
That's right, you've been caught.
I know who you are because I'm a secret operative of Marie Callender's.
I know your great American moment was brought to you by consumerism.
Let's allow Norman Rockwell to rest for a moment, and think about the good old American company, Marie Callender's.
We've established that apple pie is very American, and Marie Callender's makes apple pies and is, therefore, American.
And if you hop on their Web site, you'll see lots of nostalgic stuff about how for 60 years, Marie's legacy has been providing you with your American pie.
But if the height of Americana is sitting around a table on a national holiday about to devour baked goods, where does working on national holidays fit in?
Think, for a moment, about us kind people at Marie's, bringing you pies and serving you until 7 p.m. Someone's got to do it.
I was there bussing tables, and ended up sticking to the joint until somewhere around 9 p.m.
Do you think I was in a Rockwell painting this year?
Not that I'm complaining, really - there was some decent cash in it, and I'm broker than the Ten Commandments.
While I was cleaning up after you guys on Thanksgiving, though, I thought about my previous occupation at OSH.
Ah yes, Orchard Supply Hardware. They aren't above hair-trigger displays of red, white and blue when a holiday comes up. They have posters featuring giant eagles staring off patriotically into some distance. The exact caption escapes me, but the words are something like "United we stand."
As good old Americans, they even have a barbecue every chance they get.
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